10 Ways to Talk While Listening

Listening is a way of seeing.

Being heard transforms. “When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” Brenda Ueland

When was the last time you felt seen while someone listened to you?l

Novice listeners should practice not talking. Experienced listeners know how to speak while listening.

#1. To clarify: “Can I make sure I’m hearing you correctly?”

#2. To paraphrase: “So I hear you saying …”

#3. To express interest: “Tell me more about that,” or “That sounds important.”

#4. To connect: “That must have been tough,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.”

#5. To be curious: “What happened next,” or “How did that affect you?”

#6. To maintain focus: “Can we go back to what you said earlier about…?”

#7. To slow the conversation: “Let’s pause for a second. This feels important.”

#8. To check conclusions: “It sounds like honesty really matters to you.”

#9. To affirm: “Thanks for saying that.”

#10. To practice humility: “What am I missing?”

Listening Practice

Set aside ten minutes to see with your ears. Don’t evaluate. Seek to understand.

Reflect what you hear. Describe the assumptions forming in your head. Ask, “Is that what you mean?”

Listen to learn about people because people flourish when they feel seen.

Use your ears to see and invite transformation.

What prevents people from using their ears to understand?

What tips for listening might you add?