How to Change Minds (Without Losing Yours)
Change minds by understanding how people think. It’s not about your ideas. It’s about their way of seeing the world.
Get out of your head and into the heart of others to learn how to change minds.
1. Change Minds by Connecting with Their Reality
You can’t lead people to a new perspective until they feel seen in their current one. When someone is upset, don’t tell them to calm down. Validate their emotion. Say, “That’s frustrating!” or “I’d be mad, too.”
Match their emotional state first. Then guide the shift.
2. Change Minds by Getting Curious, Not Critical
Don’t assume someone’s beliefs are irrational. Ask yourself, How are they making sense of this? Find the reasons behind beliefs.
Get to the point you can argue for someone’s position, even if it isn’t yours.
3. Influence by Shifting from “Should” to “Could”
“Should” creates resistance. Asking what they could do opens possibility. Explore options together.
Ask, “What needs to be true for you to consider this alternative?”
4. Influence by Crafting Solutions Together
People adopt ideas they help shape. Ask questions that guide reflection:
- “What would success look like for you?”
- “What’s the risk if nothing changes?”
Create ownership by letting others do the work.
The ideas in this post are inspired by the new book The Difference that Makes a Difference by, Josh Davis, PhD, and Greg Prosmushkin.
5. Change Minds by Co-Creating a Desirable Future
Help people define what they want, not what they want to avoid. Change is easier when the path forward is energizing, specific, and attainable.
Bottom line: Changing minds starts with understanding people. Influence grows not through pressure, but through empathy, clarity, and partnership.
Which idea in this post can you apply to your leadership?
What is essential to influencing the way people think?
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